A Hundred Years from Now......

 ....it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child” by Forest Witcraft.

This is one of my all time favorite quotes....and one that helps bring focus to my life in uncertain times. I'm sure you've all experienced the same problem…the “Wah wah” moments?  YOU know the ones...it just always seems to stockpile..."wah!" on top of "wah!" on top of "wah!"

I get them from time to time and get on my pity pot; "My house is too small....my house is a mess....I wish I had more money....why do I live so far from my family.....why do I live so close to my family....why doesn't the world revolve around me," etc. One thing that working in health care does...it humbles you. It helps you keep your life in perspective. Inevitably when I'm having one of those days where I just can't understand some of the choices I've made and I’m having a hard time trying to kick myself in the butt, I go to work and get a dose of other peoples' realities.  They have loved ones fighting for their very lives. Perhaps a child newly diagnosed with a life threatening/altering condition. Or there’s a parent who has been in a tragic accident, or one who is losing their battle with cancer and facing the reality that they will have to say their goodbyes all too soon. That’s when I always end up telling mySELF to "shut up and quit whining!"

What brings light to my heart?  Children.  And not just my own son (who is 13)....although he is by far the most important thing in my life. He and I have always had a uniquely wonderful bond. I think it’s partly from being a single mom; we always have each other's back. He’s a lot like me and definitely has inherited some of my better traits....and…a few of my not-so-great ones! Sometimes when I’m on my pity pot, I whine to myself (or if they’re lucky, I whine to others) because I am the sole person responsible for getting my son everywhere and doing everything for him. My family lives 2 hours away, and although his father is local, I'm not able to rely on that help (which would be a totally different blog that I choose not to write about). Then there’s always the “I wish had more money....I want to be able to provide him with this or that, or be able to go here or there, or not have to shop at discount stores (one of my life goals is to buy a real box of cereal), or worry about how many years it will take until I can get a bill paid off.”

Not long ago, one of my friends (from a dual income family) was flabbergasted to learn that I'd never had a manicure or a pedicure. Well....there are choices you have to make in life and we all have to make 'em every day. I choose to go without some things in my life (as we all do), so that I can afford to do other things that include my son, or so that I can buy him the new $300 baseball bat that is required...and one day, that real box of cereal.  

Ahhhh.....do you hear it? These, my friends, are the "Wah wahs!!" Beware of the "Wah wahs". They can really take a toll…if you let them.  But at the end of the day, none of it really matters. What matters most to me is living a good life, taking care of myself, setting a good example, loving God, and raising a good son. I want to raise a son who loves the Lord, who is compassionate toward others, is a good friend, husband and father. A son who knows right from wrong, makes good moral choices, is strong enough to stand up for what is right, and to stand up for those who aren't able to speak up for themselves.

It’s equally important that we are able to influence positively, those children around us. I really have the greatest job in the world! I have the ability to affect children’s lives…every single day, and that is a blessing. To look into the eyes of a child or teen who is potentially facing a new diagnosis of cancer, is a powerful thing….truly powerful indeed. There’s the “deer in the headlights” look, the tears, the sadness, the anger, the fear…it’s all there. And it’s there in the eyes of the parents too.

I get the opportunity to help prepare them for what the next few hours and days are going to be like; prepare them for what lies ahead; arm them with the swords for battle. Knowledge is power and with power, comes strength and courage. Telling kids what will happen, how it will feel, what their job is going to be and helping give them the tools to perhaps have a more positive experience, is a privilege. I also think it’s important to sprinkle in a little well-timed humor (hmmm…a future blog topic?)…and a few smiles. For those who know me, I’m a bit of a silly heart...although if you ask the patients and families, they’ll just say I’m plain nuts. And I take that as a compliment.  :-)

Kids and families just don’t know how to react to this word, “cancer.”  I mean, really…what the heck… “I have cancer?” As you can imagine, this is extremely intense. It is sometimes a very delicate art; being able to balance caring, compassion and empathy, without going overboard on emotions. They have to hear what we are telling them, so sometimes it just takes a couple of repeats. But by inserting a little humor here and there, I’m able to relay that life is going to go on and they are going to be a part of it.  I want them to know that  it’s still okay to laugh (in fact it’s a great stress reliever), that our team is going to be by their side helping them navigate these unfamiliar waters, and we’re going to do it with strength, determination, humor and love. 

 Heck, sometimes I just get to play Skipbo with a patient, or build a rocket ship, or read a story…or just make them smile. Play is just as powerful as any other tool.  Really?  Play? Yes, play. In fact it was Plato who said, “You can learn more about a person in an hour of play than in a year of conversation.”  How true this is. Kids look forward to coming for their outpatient treatment and trying to beat me in a game of cards (but they rarely do!), or doing a craft, or blowing bubbles while they have their dressing changed. Wow…what an amazing job I have!  I get to touch kids’ lives every day...and I get to touch their hearts as well.  And….they touch mine.  

Do I still wish I had a bigger house? Yes. Do I still wish that it wasn’t messy? Yes. Do I still wish that I had someone to share life’s up and downs with? Yes. Do I wish I had more money? Yes. Am I thankful for all the wonderful gifts God has bestowed upon me? Yes! ABSOLUTELY!!

So when I get the “Wah wahs”, I recall these 44 words that really say it all….

“A hundred years from now....it will not matter what my bank account was, the sort of house I lived in, or the kind of car I drove...but the world may be different because I was important in the life of a child.”